We won't sleep together?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
