his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
