I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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