Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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