So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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