I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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