Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
