just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
