I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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