dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Are we still banned from the library?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
