In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
