I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
