I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
