i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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