thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
