Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
