Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
