I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
