im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
