R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
