If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
