Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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