I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
