i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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