is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.