We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My glasses were in the garbage this morning