He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
In America we eat man semen.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.