Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk