Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.