wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO