I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.