If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What a dumb baby whore.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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