it wasn't lemon gatorade
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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