worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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