he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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