Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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