Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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