I wish I could teleport
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
