Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
this hospital has no fireball
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
