i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
