white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
