Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
