you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
