Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
