i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
