so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
