So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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