the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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