I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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