thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
