be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
