I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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