when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
