For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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