I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
