in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
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My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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