pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
