this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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