when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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