I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
