Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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