I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
