I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
