And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
