Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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