I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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