im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
