I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
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We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
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do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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