I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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