I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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