told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
