Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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