Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He passed out mid-signature
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We just shotgunned beers for America
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
