His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
