You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
