there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
