I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
