Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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