The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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