The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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