why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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