Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
