Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
