Having a random hookup so left but love u
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
