D3 body, D1 cock
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
