I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize