I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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